There are so many people in your same situation. Speak your truth. Say it anyway. Don’t ever feel silly or too angry or like you’re gloating or complaining. Continue reading “A Thousand Times”
Tag: aliveness
Soul Treat
People come into our lives. They may be forgettable. Continue reading “Soul Treat”
Good Vibes Only, Insensitive Bastard
Apparently I haven’t figured out how to exist without offending fragile egos. Especially on social media. Continue reading “Good Vibes Only, Insensitive Bastard”
Love Is Flowing
This heart stone really wanted to be seen/heard. I have a cut on my foot and needed some salt water to soak my foot in. As I filled my water bottle with ocean water, this heart found its way into the bottle with the water.
Talk about a natural cure. This water had more love and healing power in it then I bargained for. Always expect miracles. Always expect things to go better than expected. Always look for signs of well being. Always tell others about your personal blessings.
Earth medicine always shows up where it’s needed. Always
Today, I Choose To Bloom
“She was raised to be hard on herself.
So she spent her years growing gentle.
Her whole life bloomed. ~Jaiya John
Wow, this quote is just perfect. Today I’m trying to be gentle with myself. My legs hurt, neck burning down the left side. I’m gunna not get pissed that my body doesn’t function perfectly. I’m gunna recognize the monstrosity trauma trying to ooze out today. All at once. I don’t really have time to process through what my Spirit is sending me today. Appointments – dentist, mammogram, hair… I can ground and breathe and center myself whatever I’m doing, where ever I find myself today.
The real work will be loving myself though the purging of stuck trauma energy. Knowing that I can be gentle and patient with myself and seeing my body as an alliance rather than the punisher. The pain just being information which my Higher Self has decided its time to take a look at. I have a choice. I can forge ahead and ignore what’s going on or I can yield and show my body that I am her friend. It takes courage to yield.
I won’t be hard on myself. For I am not a problem- I never was. Bringing gentle in and on and around my sore body will bring me peace and comfort in a world which does not value this. In a society that puts high esteem on doing rather than being. I’ll do it anyway. Today I choose to bloom. This or better.
Connection Anyway
Follow your heart. When a name or image of a person suddenly pops into your mind – reach out, contact them. Continue reading “Connection Anyway”
2:38 a.m.
As I sit and reflect on my childhood, I can’t help but wonder how many other children -right this minute- are being raised the same way. Continue reading “2:38 a.m.”
Reaction From The Dark Side
Met someone from my past today. Except she clearly, did not recognize me.
I was getting a pedicure 3 chairs down from her. My feet are pretty ticklish so I was squirming and laughing through the brushing, the massage, hot stone massage, etc.. She looked over at me, enjoying myself, and shot me a look of absolute disgust and hate. Leaned over, closer to her friend, “what is so funny, why is she laughing at us?” she announced rather loudly.
WTF? This nasty human obviously had no tolerance for my joy or light. She assumed I was laughing AT HER. How convoluted and strange. At first I was shocked but it still did not stop me from carrying on feeling the joys of foot massage and reacting uninhibited. I’m not about to put a lid on my joy.
Imagine walking around in life thinking everyone is reacting to YOU, that EVERYTHING that happens around you – is about you – and for you? Sounds kinda like a 2,3,4 year old child. She clearly wanted to extinguish my aliveness with violence. The way she looked at me was full of contempt. Like I “DID something to her” just by being in joy and being in the moment. This threatened something in her. She wanted to attack me. She kept looking over to make sure I was not still smiling at her.
She wanted to shame me and tried to involve the clinician who was doing her pedicure. I heard her say, “That’s disgusting” and motioned for her friend to look over at me. I felt them both look over and laugh to themselves. Evil, I’ll tell ya. I so badly wanted to rise up and give her the feeling of powerlessness that she soooo does not want to feel!!!! I’d volunteer…I fantasized about getting in her face and pressing it against the glass, or grabbing her by her hair and dragging her head down to the ground ☺️ but instead, I chose to laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation. She was livid. It tore her UP to see me still enjoying myself. Her efforts to bully me were fruitless. (Stick yer tongue out emoji) LOL and wasn’t she so very comfortable with trying to intimidate and bully people who appear to “defy” her wishes. Yep, that’s me, just running around pissing people off on purpose.
Her life must be a living hell. Imagine the feelings of complete powerlessness, paranoia and terror this “woman” (and I use that term loosely) has buried under all that rage, disgust, contempt and blame.
It is impossible to know what someone else’s perception will be for any given situation. Never assume that someone will react “normally” in a seemingly no brainer situation. Who really cares what someone else’s reaction to my light is. DNnnmnnnon’t let anyone steal your joy, or try and bully you out of it. My foot massage felt great, it tickled me, brought me amazing pleasure, it was a sensual experience. Too bad if someone reacts unfavorably to my feeling of pleasure – not my f’n problem. I’m just having a reaction within myself, it should not cause rage. Her perception skewed, full of blame and projection. Rather bizarre. But we have no control over how other people react to us.
God bless this poor rageful soul. I refresopted out of refreshing her memory and letting her know we actually were on the volleyball team together in high school… LOL Hopefully she stays out of prison.
Wrinkles of Youth
Just sitting here watching the leaves unfold
Each with a secret plan
at a leaf’s pace
Like a crumpled roadmap Continue reading “Wrinkles of Youth”
Shadow Rising
Life is great until it sucks
Life sucks until it doesn’t
Nothing is permanent
Except when it is
Then I wish it wasn’t Continue reading “Shadow Rising”
Retiring My Emotional Armor
Yesterday was an emotional day for me. The purging hurt so good. The death of an antiquated pattern, shedding my dumb-suit. My beauty radiating blissfully from under the decaying camouflage. Reflecting on how different I am today. It hit me hard. Like my heart was cracking open to love – love for myself. Continue reading “Retiring My Emotional Armor”
Voiceless
i find it to be quite interesting that my throat – the place where Wisdom emanates from my being – is under attack. My personal truth, these days, freely flows out of me without much rehearsal and angst. I used to have to fight to be heard, taken seriously, seen. As a wee little person, I was afraid to speak up or out against anything or anyone, no matter how obvious and insidious the injustice. For fear of being hurt, disowned, different, seen, ignored, shamed, humiliated – fuck, that’s a lot of blockage. It was much easier and safer to remain unseen, unheard, un-human. All tucked away in my larynx. The organ of self expression. The holder of secrets. Of stuffed emotions.
The more baggage/trauma that crams up sideways in our throats, clogs our ability to speak our truth without the fear of being annihilated… this blockage of energy, over time, creates disease. The thyroid slowly malfunctions – giving you, finally, what you want – shutting down the forces that keep you functioning, the proof of our aliveness, our voice. This human communication frequency- stifled. We comply to the old parameters of “allowed” existence until, one fine day, we find our voice and slowly, standing up to the shadows of the past- step into our ROAR.
Yesterday I really used my voice. By “voice” I mean put myself out there for others to see me speaking my truth. I was asked by one of my bosses to lead a group of teens and then a large group of adults, in a guided meditation. Daunting task for sure. I told him, “that hat scares the shit out of me! Let’s do it” LOL. In the next couple of days I actively resisted the urge to REHEARSE endlessly and woke on a few occasions at 4:30 am to record the words that were being channeled (to me) by one of my Spirit Guides.
I felt strong, healthy, connected and NORMAL – doing what I love. No script, just freely flowing words from my higher self and spirit help. And I did this for an audience of 30 teens and then, later that day, 60 adults. It felt amazing. I received some really great feedback. Words cannot accurately capture what I was feeling. Maybe the thawing of what was. The shattering of the old silence replaced by new possibility. I had done this many, many times before but rarely with groups this large AND never with people who didn’t sign up for it.
This morning I woke with the rawest sore throat I’ve had since being a teenager. I expected to see blood when I opened up and looked in the mirror. Nope. As a kid my throat was frequently attacked, what a shock 🙄. For me, today, this is a sign that I’m doing good work. Throat Chakra work that does not yet have a permanent residence in my physical body. My throat may protest for a while by getting sore, voice disappearing, swollen glands, dryness, etc. whatever it can throw at me so it can continue playing small. This is what’s been comfortable.
The “No pain, No gain” and heart might just apply here. Old patterns are disrupted, light shining into the dark places. Old dysfunction will be cleared. Throat issues are a reminder of what was, while creating what will NOW be. 
Don’t Wait. Tips For Your Sensual Sunday
Don’t wait for someone to tell you you are amazing. Take magnificent out for a drive. Show lovely a flower in the yard. Have divine choose your clothes today. You are all of it. Show yourself that you are. Intend to be. Put yourself first. Sensual Sunday.
Serenade your fresh, healthy cells with beneficial, living foods. Ask it what else it needs. Be still, your heart, and listen. Like nobody’s watching. Cause, who cares? This is an inward excursion, solitary. Benefits, immediate.
Be the chaperone on your sensual field trip. Sense where fabric touches the body. Eyes closed, feel objects as-if the first time. The smooth. The rough. Wet. Slippery. Savor foods orally, longer and slower, the moment of transition to a swallow.
Play, ponder, reflect, meander, wonder, dance, baithe, be, touch, taste, feel, savor, sense, notice, saunter, and gaze practically guaranteeing your aliveness. Your – I Am Here-. Make this wise soul investment. Treat your nervous system to the gentle, the timeless. Don’t wait.
I’m gunna hug you and squeeze you and call you George
Do you give thanks everyday for your body? Your amazingly perfect physical-ness? You should! You should express your gratitude for your bones, joints, skin, liver, your feet, your eyesight, your pancreas, your nose, your brain, the hair on your toes, on your head, even parts that hurt, are sick or not exactly making you happy right now. Every organ, every inch of your body. Become aware, today. Become aware of how you choose to treat the miracle of YOU. The miracle of thinking, being, feeling, acting and reacting. Offer it love, give it exercise – whether or not it complains or balks, give it good food – try things you’ve read about and don’t forget the water, generous amounts of water. Say thank you for all the ways you function right now because the more you are aware of your body, the more you will avoid mistreating it.
Write her a letter, he said.
“I need to talk to her, I love her and miss her, please give this message to her”. This is what my Maternal Influence – as I call her – texts my husband. Continue reading “Write her a letter, he said.”
If Just For Today
If just for today…
If just for today we appreciate our commitment to being alive. Continue reading “If Just For Today”
6 on Friday
6. What a great age… the wide eyed expression when they talk about the tooth fairy, their dog, their birthday on Saturday, elves and a special rock. All with magic and wonder for ordinary things. Everything is possible and everyday is an adventure. Today, I’m 6. Excuse me while I go and play with my inner 6 year old -this glorious Friday.
Here, Wait, I Believe This Dead Is Yours
Oh, by the way, have I shared my expertise regarding the long term effects as a result of a dark childhood? Unfortunately, I know all too well, the life-long repercussions – the DEAD they placed inside of me, in us. Continue reading “Here, Wait, I Believe This Dead Is Yours”
Validation
I can’t tell you how I’ve longed for someone to say, YES, YOU WERE RIGHT ALL ALONG! Continue reading “Validation”
My Darling Anxiety
Oh, oh, oh my darling anxiety. Like a cloak, nah, like a wetsuit. A really tight, 20 years ago – wetsuit…. Surrounding my aura + squeezing ever so tightly, constricting me, shrinking my aliveness. Years upon years of HAVING TO KNOW. Continue reading “My Darling Anxiety”
A Fish Named Karen 