Month: December 2022

fun

In Love #30

A Fish Named Karen4 Comments

I’m in love with sleep winding it’s drowsy little fingers around my being. Like a river with no particular place to be, no destination. Sneaking past anxiety and rapid thoughts to land softly, completely. Silently. With conviction, convection, confection…sweetness, efficiency and dedication. It’s here.

But I don’t notice as I am won. I am one with that which renews me, holds me, knows me by name. I am too familiar with sleep’s inner child, the toddler. Two and three and four she is. Two and three and four hours of darkness with eyes open wide, open wild. Ages and hours alike. She’s ready to party like some left the lights on. Leave me alone, I whisper, I must rest I’m working on growing older so I may rise. So someday I may be wise.

I’m in love with borrowing nothingness, slowly becoming unaware of my brain’s foul mouth. “Just one more thing….” The brain bids of pressures and deadlines. I walk these misguided Randy’s down the hall, to their cribs for they are just infants and need to be shown the way of time and pace. Maybe the morning grace will transform the have to’s and should haves. Maybe life will slow to the rate of my heartbeat.

Just perhaps I need to tuck those rapid thoughts in next to me. Giving them permission to rest. Rather than to send them away, send them packing just to have them return more powerful at greater volume…Close is best. Covers tight around the edges, lips hushed in the most contractual way. Bargaining with my brain because

I’m in love with sleep.

appreciation

In Love #29

A Fish Named KarenLeave a comment

I’m in love with morning mist. Slipping around unnoticed like a forgotten shoe on the side of the highway. The moisty moist, seeping through obstacles on its path. Unexpectedly, life succumbs to the commanding curtain. As we awaken to the new day, there’s a breach in the outer bands of body aura.

The awareness of the wet, the cling, the intimacy of cool arriving suddenly. Silently. Allowing. Every Season with it’s own version.

Winter’s mist freezes. Preserving perfect ice spheres on each blade of grass, every dry remnant of expired flowers, berries. Frist, it’s called, glittering and shimmering giving note to shapes and shadows. Natures’ icy fingers dripping, building new layers. The invisible becoming visible each air droplet pregnant with moisture. Each finding it’s resting place on the earth.

Spring mist brings with it hope and cleanse. Working it’s way into our lungs. Cleaning and clearing the lung cobwebs of Winter stagnation.

Summer’s mist with its mysterious, muted splendor, loudly claims its plot. Arriving at the tree tops and descending heavily upon the vegetation. The greens greener the browns earthier.

Autumn’s mist that hovers low as the tallest wheat stalk, gives an unexpected hug. The breath of the soul cut short. A slow n steady exhale hijacked by a disowned gasp.

The mists of Autumn. Outlining landscapes of past splendor, once showcasing lush bounty. Rich orange, red, gold, pink foliage now encased in humid, hanging, pregnant air. The foggy veil moves erringly hand picking, encasing each dead and crunchy. Breathing life into the lifeless. Fungus rising to the mist, faces turned upward toward the sky awaiting the gift of moist.

I’m in love with morning mist.

self love

Thriving

A Fish Named KarenLeave a comment
Taking in

Today’s got me like – what the hell is going on! Meeting up with so many disgruntled ppl on my path lately. I check myself because I may be adding to the mix in some sort of way. We usually are…. Some folks come at me wanting to slay all the good, seeming like they want me to pay, to drive me down, want me to be miserable too. It can feel personal. Evil. Tricky. Messy.
Well…no. I’m not havin it. It helps me to imagine their heartache, trauma and maltreatment they must endured as a child – because THAT’s why they act out on others.
They have not been able, for a plethora of reasons, to rise out of the trauma mud. Most often it’s easier to vomit your self hate onto others rather than to sit and digest the feelings coursing through your body and contain them.

Understanding and having Empathy for people who want to drive us down does not mean we are giving them a free pass to act out on us.

We can be understanding and still have boundaries.
We can be understanding and still have our power.
We can decide to not take their attacks personally.
Because It’s not personal.
Be the pretty in a sea of ugly.

Putting our needs first is key. Walk away. Far away. Choose a different path, literally and figuratively. Say no. Don’t show up to fix it, you cannot fix them. Decline the invite to the anger party. There will be many.

The only thing we can change when purposeful/targeted conflict and aggression come our way – is our attention we give to it. And how we support ourselves. Pull yourself in. Pull your energy back to you, away from harm. Easy to visualize…Protect yourself, this is powerful. Jackwagons are everywhere.

Unravel what you may have learned about taking the blame…
I deserve it
I’m worthless
It’s my fault, must be me
I can fix them/this
It will get better
I feel sorry for them, I’ll just give in

Replace with…
I am loved
I can ask for help/validation
I am protected
I walk away from disrespect
I am powerful
There is nothing wrong with me
I will do what it takes to feel safe
I can be content in a storm
Breath in calm, exhale their angst back to them

So let’s stop talking about a kinder, gentler nation and people if we’re not kinder and gentler with ourselves first. Because we can spend ALL our energy on trying to CHANGE other people and none of that means a damn thing. It’s actually the recipe for great suffering. Because they’ll change on their schedule or not at all.

Love yourself harder…this is what thriving looks like.