I’m in love with unmade beds. Full of possibility. The whispers of “it’s not over” and “we can still do this”. Continue reading “In Love #3”
I’m in love with lazy mornings. Warm bedsheets. Aimless thoughts. Continue reading “In Love #2”
I used to think I was rewarding myself with food because I did something amazing. Continue reading “Maybe Magnificence Doesn’t Suck”
I’m in love with mismatched socks. Short n long, tight n loose coming together for the good of feet humanity. Tending to the warmth of my sole. A FU to the matched, pristine, perfect world. Wardrobe rules are to be broken, one sock at a time. The deliciousness of WRONG.
My non-conformity has deep roots, childhood roots. We were to appear presentable as to not bring shame to THE FAMILY. An unspoken rule, to make the Matriarch happy – so she could be cast as a really attentive, perfect Mother. All her ducklings in a row, soldiers with matching smiles. Matching everything.
This CONFORMITY…An energetic expectation in the bloodline. Grandma donned a classic narcissistic wardrobe. She would dress in a single color. Obsessive-like. Crazy, really. Hat, shoes, shirt, earrings, jacket, purse, pants – all banana yellow or all red or what have you. Modeling conformity, discipline, obsession, vanity, rigidity. Was quite the sight.
So, my duty…to unravel rigidity, one string at a time. A private joke just under the surface of my SEEMINGLY aligned exterior. Wrong feels so right. Fleece, Fuzzy, striped, embroidered, nylon, wool, buttoned, jeweled, knee-high or mid-calf. My socks, my secret.
When I am “found out”, my secret cluster fuck accidentally revealed, I blurt – “But I have another pair just like this at home”.
I just adore Jeff Foster. His words speak right to my soul. Someday I shall meet him…
“Sometimes, when you stop trying to save people, they don’t like it. They call you bad, unkind, an abandoner. Instead of meeting their own feelings of rejection, fear and shame, they try to make you feel guilty. They lash out. They blame their unhappiness on you. They want the ‘old you’ back; they want their fantasy of you. They want their saviour.
They don’t want you; they want the dream.
The most liberating lesson you will ever learn: Nobody can make you happy. And you are not responsible for anybody else’s happiness.
You are free. Freedom is your nature, and always was.
So, like the Sun, you shine. You don’t wait for others to shine, you don’t need an excuse to shine, you simply shine. You don’t feel responsible for all the suns that haven’t yet discovered their own shining. You simply shine. You walk your path with courage. You teach by example. And if others are upset by your shining, if they judge you, if they become jealous, if they attack you for not making them the centre of your world, that’s okay. That’s their work. That’s their path, their pain to process and feel. You wish them well. You hold them in compassion, perhaps. But they do not own you any longer. You are free.
You can love others enough to let them go. For true love has the fragrance of freedom, a thrilling sense of vastness to it.”
– Jeff Foster