anxiety · anyways · healing

Not pressuring myself to choose a title

I have just excepted that I’m letting “anxious” be in the foreground. I’m going to be with, not run faster than, my breath holding, my busy-ness, the feelings of wanting to be anywhere OTHER than where I am, the rapid fire thoughts, how I pile too many tasks into my day, my NOT feeling my body’s bathroom needs… Continue reading “Not pressuring myself to choose a title”

abuse · childhood · exploration · Human Spirit · survival · trauma

uh-MAZE

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My life always felt like an evil trick. Because of my circumstances I was driven to be fiercely independent, way too early. I didn’t want anyone’s help. To accept help was code for – I have to surrender a piece of myself. Help was dangerous, risky. I had already lost so much. No way was I giving up more of myself. NO WAY. As a teeny child I learned that humanity was not trustworthy. There was always a hidden agenda, motive, dark intent under all that appeared to be, oh yes, loving and kind, enter mind-fuck. That even the ones closest to you disregard your NO, your boundaries, your protest, your sadness, your existence…bla, bla, and bla.  Now I realize that I didn’t deserve this horror that went on and on and on with a life death of its own. No child is equipped with the capacity to hold all of this evil and process what is going on. No child. Continue reading “uh-MAZE”