Emerging victorious after sickness, specifically, the FLU can be likened to emerging from childhood, alive. Continue reading “In Sickness And In Health”
Author: A Fish Named Karen
Real, Raw, Truth Seeker, Survivor, Writer, Healer, Intuitive, Beautifully Human. All pictures belong to A Fish Named Karen
Pressure
The PRESSURE to be enough. Never a ceiling, a bottom. Was never satisfaction, like, yes! I have done it, I am enough. – I never quite got that recognition, realization that I didn’t have to be, do or have anything in order to be ENOUGH. Continue reading “Pressure”
My Darling Anxiety
Oh, oh, oh my darling anxiety. Like a cloak, nah, like a wetsuit. A really tight, 20 years ago – wetsuit…. Surrounding my aura + squeezing ever so tightly, constricting me, shrinking my aliveness. Years upon years of HAVING TO KNOW. Continue reading “My Darling Anxiety”
Enough
Let’s be enough. Yeah, being enough….. sounds like a great idea but, then, there’s reality. Most of us have standards, behavior, goals, expectations, etc. that have no ceiling. There is never satisfaction. Breathless. Striving. Reaching. Your own invisible hell. You never feel enough. Your mere existence was never enough. But doesn’t it sound like such a simple idea to put into action? Continue reading “Enough”
Take a Shower
SENSITIVITY. Work with it. Use it to your advantage. Allow it to devastate you. Tear you down. Build you up. Make you feel special. Connect you with others. Allow you to feel deeply. Become more aware of just how very different you are. A gift, a curse, nothing you can do with it or about it. Continue reading “Take a Shower”
Shut Up And Change
Chaos in our lives ALWAYS serves a purpose. Whether it breaks us down, provides us with opportunities we wouldn’t have ever had, puts the right people or the wrong people on our path – we grow… Anyway. This was absolutely true for me, all of it. Continue reading “Shut Up And Change”
Colorful Chaos
In losing everything< we begin to come home to ourselves. Complete devastation has a way of cracking our hearts wide open so we can begin the decent into the valley of original medicine AKA who we came here to be. If someone would have tried to sell me that bullshit in my teen years I would have run away screaming. Continue reading “Colorful Chaos”
Broken
Ahh, the intricacies of a dysfunctional family unit. So, it was essential for my family to be seen as elite and perfect. How I longed to bring that down, to expose my family. Maybe I could get pregnant, lol that would surely make her look like an ass, a total failure as a parent – in her “church” circles. Lmao. This is what a teenager fantasizes about when all she desires is revenge. How can I shatter this perfect image? haha, how can I HELP with this? Well, as time marched on I began to focus my efforts on myself. How the hell can I get out of this house – oh! college, perfect. I could probably go for free as my father had died and my mother worked only part-time and with 8 kids (5 still dependent) it would be a no-brainer. WRONG. My mother never got involved in the process – blew off filling out the appropriate financial forms and I ended up having to pay for my own college. I Continue reading “Broken”
Just A Shell
Born into a family of dysfunction, I navigated my world the best I could, hoping to be loved, cherished, valued, held and heard. Instead I was met with disregard for my life, repeated, long-term invasion of my body, my innocence, violence disguised as love, safety/security masquerading as control. All at the hands of my parents and male siblings. I was doomed. A shell of a human. Existing in the dizzying cycle of being tossed around in the surf of life – only occasionally able to take a full breath, surface. Pieces of my personality chipped off, the tide taking them far off, away. Never feeling the ground beneath my feet. Becoming dead inside, broken. Accepting the abnormal as normal. As violence, invasion came over me again and again I became familiar with rage. The rage that was growing inside of me. Rage that would never be recognized. Undercover. A secret rage, thoughts of revenge that would bring a sweet, savory smile to my perfect little-girl face. Continue reading “Just A Shell”
uh-MAZE
My life always felt like an evil trick. Because of my circumstances I was driven to be fiercely independent, way too early. I didn’t want anyone’s help. To accept help was code for – I have to surrender a piece of myself. Help was dangerous, risky. I had already lost so much. No way was I giving up more of myself. NO WAY. As a teeny child I learned that humanity was not trustworthy. There was always a hidden agenda, motive, dark intent under all that appeared to be, oh yes, loving and kind, enter mind-fuck. That even the ones closest to you disregard your NO, your boundaries, your protest, your sadness, your existence…bla, bla, and bla. Now I realize that I didn’t deserve this horror that went on and on and on with a life death of its own. No child is equipped with the capacity to hold all of this evil and process what is going on. No child. Continue reading “uh-MAZE”
A Fish Named Karen 