abuse · anyways · challenge · Change · childhood · healing · healthy · human condition · Human Spirit · inner work · light in the darkness · old patterns · persevere · Reframe · Sadness · self love · survival · trauma

Just A Shell

I think it’s so essential to remember what and where we came from and most importantly, how we have transformed ourselves. I feel the highest honor for those of you who are battling your way to sanity and personal power. You have my support to be who you came here to be. Fabulous.

A Fish Named Karen

Born into a family of dysfunction, I navigated my world the best I could, hoping to be loved, cherished, valued, held and heard. Instead I was met with disregard for my life, repeated, long-term invasion of my body, my innocence, violence disguised as love, safety/security masquerading as control. All at the hands of my parents and male siblings. I was doomed. A shell of a human. Existing in the dizzying cycle of being tossed around in the surf of life – only occasionally able to take a full breath, surface. Pieces of my personality chipped off, the tide taking them far off, away.  Never feeling the ground beneath my feet. Becoming dead inside, broken. Accepting the abnormal as normal. As violence, invasion came over me again and again I became familiar with rage. The rage that was growing inside of me. Rage that would never be recognized. Undercover. A secret…

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acceptance · awareness · Change · fun · gratitude · healing · healthy · Holiday · human condition · Human Spirit · inner work · intention · Joy · old patterns · persevere · Play · Reveal · Survive · Treasure · validation

Shine Anyways 2019

A554CAEE-D5C9-480E-88F0-4E80A30C800DSometimes your gifts and talents are barely visible, just under the surface. Often concealed by pretty weighty assaults you’ve collected on your path. Attacks on your self-worth. Attacks on your personal power. Attacks on your right to simply live and BE. Absorbing comments from others… “It’ll never work”, “You can’t make a living doing THAT”, “Don’t brag, no-one likes a show off”, “Better stick to your day job”, “What do you think you’re special or something?”

Then there’s the INNER chatter, the burlap you cover yourself with… I’m not really good at this, What I can do is not so special, People will laugh at me, What if it doesn’t work out? I’ll look foolish, bla, bla, bla.

Awareness is a tool, like a backhoe. Working, cultivating, excavating your inner land, your toughest rocks, your fibrous burlap. It’s 2019! Draft a plan, devise a blueprint, do it anyway. Move that shit OUT. Survey YOUR land, notice the rocks and ground covers in your life, how you dumb down who you are, what you are capable of….

Who would YOU be free to BE without the thoughts and ideas you have adopted to keep yourself small and safe? Fill the backhoe up with divine fuel, it’s time to shine, no apologies. Take a chance and show the world the buried treasure of YOU.

anyways · awareness · Celebrate · connection · exploration · gratitude · Human Spirit · inner work · Joy · light in the darkness · Manifest · Moving On · persevere · Play · presence · Reveal · self love · self talk · Survive

Welcome, My 200th Follower

Welcome!!!  Well, actually, just practicing cause I am 3 away from that honor. But I can feel it in my bones, IT’S HAPPENING. Did I tell you that I honor my milestone followers with a special gift? Beyond excited for this opportunity… my 100th follower declined receiving anything from me so instead, I celebrated my son’s girlfriend’s influence on my getting started on this adventure. She helped me to create a forum for my voice, stronger than ever as I crawl, walk, jog and finally sprint back from an insane upbringing.

I was happy to have one reader stop by – what a crazy good validation of my truth … perfect strangers responding with “yup” and “uh-huh” when I threw it all out there, sobbing privately between the lines. Somebody understood God damn it, lots of somebody’s cheering for me and some offering a glimpse into their long held hell with spontaneous comments.

A true treasure I’ve unearthed in this blogging business. Every time I am struck with an idea, a memory, a bitch😂 or celebration, I am free to let the words flow like somebody left the gate open. Without hesitation, censoring, dumbing it down or guilt – I just say it anyway. How beautifully organic. I am beyond blessed to be seen and heard in my truth. How blessed am I to have an audience to connect with… no doubt, this is sacred work.

Naming my Gratitude WordPress! 😊

awareness · Celebrate · Change · Comfort · connection · exploration · fun · gratitude · Human Spirit

Messenger

I am just in love with this piece by Mary Oliver…

Messenger 

My work is loving the world.

Here sunflowers, there the hummingbird-equal seekers of sweetness.

Here the quickening of the yeast; there the blue plums.

Here the clam deep in the speckled sand.

Are my boots old? Is my coat torn?

Am I no longer young, and still not half-perfect?

Let me

keep my mind on what matters, which is my work,

which is mostly standing still and learning to be astonished.

The phoebe, the delphinium.

The sheep in the pasture and the pasture.

Which is mostly rejoicing, since all the ingredients are here,

which is gratitude, to be given a mind and a heart

and these body clothes,

a mouth with which to give shouts of joy to the moth and the wren, to the sleepy

dug-up clam,

telling them all, over and over, how it is that we will live forever.

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