Mary 5

When I took this picture last fall, a warm smile took over my face. It reminded me of a portal, where Fairies and light beings play –  visible only through the hard work of a wild, tree drilling, feathered beast. Then, the realization of Mary 5…

Oh Mary 5, my sister’s imaginary friend. Mary, are you there? are you ready to play? Mary 5 was a “friend” that my sister created to keep her company as most of us went off to school everyday. So we thought. What I have come to know as truth now… is a Mary-of-a-different-color.

My sister of course, absorbed all of the darkness our highly dysfunctional family had to offer up, couched in “love and protection”. She wore her damage like a wet suit, two sizes too small and impossible to shed. Incredibly anxious, full of nervous tics, and lacking self-confidence. An adorable little thing with dark, straight hair, blue eyes and cherry red lips, she was just a love.  Her lack of self would piss me off as she refused to speak and get what she so desperately wanted, for example, in restaurants….and I would have to step in. I would lay into her afterward and threaten that next time, I was going to walk away. Of course I never did but it felt good to act that out on her – she was gunna do it God Damn it!

When everyone returned home from school, Mother would ask how our day went and we would blab on about our day, friends, the dog that someone let into the school, the fire drill, lunchtime fun, the leaky school ceiling, who went to the principal’s office and so on. Then Mother would ask my 4-year-old sister to share how her day went. She would tell us that she spent time with Mary. Half laughing, we would, in unison inquire, “Mary, Mary who?” quite matter-of-factly, she would blurt out, “Mary 5, she’s my friend”.  Mother would shoot us a – you better play along, or else you’re dead stare.

We wouldn’t dare dice my sister up in front of Mother. So we waited….. for.her.to.leave.the.room.  “So” I remember saddling up to her on more than one occasion, “Where is she? Was she just here? Is she in the closet? Call her over right now! Does she go to school? Does she live near us? How come I can’t see her? How old is she? What does she look like?” And the questions went on and on. My sister rarely answered – mostly just told on us. I’m pretty sure the subject became off-limits in no time.

The poor thing, we (my 6 siblings and I) literally pulverized this sweet, little, harmless sister of ours for a gift she was given. Yes, a gift!!! An escape, a support, a distraction from all the evil of our household that was poised to pounce. She had Mary 5 to guide and protect her. A SPIRIT GUIDE. Sweet baby Jesus, she was incredibly blessed and we trampled on it because of our implanted cynicism. We were trained to extinguish joy. Just like the way the joy had already been sucked out of the rest of us. We were good little soldiers (vomit sound) And by God, if we couldn’t SEE Mary 5, well, then she just didn’t exist, period. 

Mary 5 was a Spiritual Support, my sister was very fortunate that her higher self sent her an amazing friend. At the tender age of 3 and 4 years old, she could converse with and feel like she belonged and mattered. Of course, I get this only now. I appreciate how important it was for her psyche to have this connection. After many a conversation with Mary 5, she probably felt a sense of peace, being heard and felt free to be who she was in the moment. All just far-away dreams in my family of origin.

This was my tribute to all the Mary 5’s out there, the light beings, the high vibrational sources of wisdom. May we be receptive to the various sources of higher power and appreciate their influence personally and in this realm.