resilient

Flip Side of Healing

I would have denied it had someone told me this 20 years ago. But with eyes wide open now I clearly see how healing your traumatic past, without a doubt, fucks your life. The tragedy of healing is the cascade of eventual loss. It takes years to materialize…The falling away of everything as you knew it. The crumbling of excepting things at face value. The dismantling of living an “as if” life. The loss of what was once tolerable.

Truth has a way of rendering you lonely. Busts up your friendships. The people we’ve surrounded ourselves with are our friends/family for a reason. They’ve allowed us to play small, safe. Supported the same ole same ole you. But we were never meant to be stagnant, unchanged smallish beings. Unfurling from our childhood wounds, we stretch and grow in ways we couldn’t see coming.

This makes our closest people, well, squirm. Like underwear that slips up your asscrack every once in a while – you keep it around because it’s familiar, the material is soft and you’re too lazy to go out and replace it. You make peace with the constant irritation. Same with your friends/family, they may be the underwear or they may be like you, wearing the irritating version of YOU.

In my experience, people are generally adverse to excepting anything different than the present version of you – what they already know you as. If they went along with the newer parts of YOU that would mean they’d have to change THEIR ways also and that’s prob going to be met with kicking/screaming. So once you grow, there some of them go.

Enter deep healing…As we unravel our structure, a stranger is born, outgrowing the familiar. Our voice heavy with truth may be seen as righteous and self serving, bold and threatening. Finding and using our “voice” no longer renders us selfless and complacent. This is the price.

This is the the fucked aspect of healing…at least initially. It’s ok that not everyone shares in our revelry. Not everyone will be overjoyed that you are healing and growing, especially those inner circle folks. As we’re walking through the fire they’re hurting and groaning – and you’re to blame for their discomfort. Your presence awakens the creatures, usually dormant, in the caverns of their unconsciousness. 100% not going to travel deep with you.

So as you’re trying on all these new tools of self awareness, having needs, opening your heart, exercising personal boundaries, on your journey to greater sanity- it will feel mean. Super mean. Self reliance, honoring self, intuition and listening to the drive from your higher self to UNFUCK your life are NOT what we were taught.

Your “closest” people will resist and act like you’re killing THEM, doing something TO them. Getting healthy, doing the right things for your own mental health ripples out to everyone. Your people may get angry with YOU as they’re going to feel the waves of your higher vibration which will make it tougher for them to hold against their own darkness. Facts.

This is the lifelong challenge of healing childhood trauma. Navigating our path while creating a support system around us that doesn’t irritate our soul or dampen our Spirit. THIS is how we unfuck ourselves. Healing does have a difficult twist in the early stages. One of tremendous loss. Of great sadness. Of isolation. Of self doubt. As we lose who we thought we should be. All part of the process. All necessary on our self healing journey.

resilient

Simple Life Cake

The recipe of Life. Complex as it goes. I usually shy away from a lengthy list of ingredients. Too complex for my rebel soul. I, like most, prefer an easy path without too many items clogging up the works. More often though, there’s a maze of small and large tragedies jockeying for validation. Sprinkled with the connection of warm souls, add in condiments of personal accomplishment and a side dish of resilience. No shortage of ingredients in our lives. But all ingredients add to the final recipe, not just the sweet ones. Right?


Sometimes we take a no-thank-you-portion of negative/concerning experiences simmering and rising up into consciousness, for healing. Sometimes we lick the bowl containing all the positive/feel good lessons. This morning I am aware of this swirly-twirly mixture. Feeling amazed by my accomplishments, master chef, in the kitchen of life. Then, sensing the sadness and weight of how I stir it up once again. Pressuring myself to add more, be more, do more. Complicating the recipe. The recipe of life. Taking responsibility for our own healing comes with rewards we can taste.

happiness · healthy

Responsible For Other’s Happiness?

I just adore Jeff Foster. His words speak right to my soul. Someday I shall meet him…

“Sometimes, when you stop trying to save people, they don’t like it. They call you bad, unkind, an abandoner. Instead of meeting their own feelings of rejection, fear and shame, they try to make you feel guilty. They lash out. They blame their unhappiness on you. They want the ‘old you’ back; they want their fantasy of you. They want their saviour.

They don’t want you; they want the dream.

The most liberating lesson you will ever learn: Nobody can make you happy. And you are not responsible for anybody else’s happiness.

You are free. Freedom is your nature, and always was.

So, like the Sun, you shine. You don’t wait for others to shine, you don’t need an excuse to shine, you simply shine. You don’t feel responsible for all the suns that haven’t yet discovered their own shining. You simply shine. You walk your path with courage. You teach by example. And if others are upset by your shining, if they judge you, if they become jealous, if they attack you for not making them the centre of your world, that’s okay. That’s their work. That’s their path, their pain to process and feel. You wish them well. You hold them in compassion, perhaps. But they do not own you any longer. You are free.

You can love others enough to let them go. For true love has the fragrance of freedom, a thrilling sense of vastness to it.”

– Jeff Foster

acceptance · anyways · awareness · Change · childhood · Comfort · gratitude · healing · healthy · human condition · Human Spirit · inner work · light in the darkness · Manifest · old patterns · persevere · Reframe · Sadness · See · self love · soul · Survive · trauma · triggers · Universe · validation

Write her a letter, he said.

 

“I need to talk to her, I love her and miss her, please give this message to her”. This is what my Maternal Influence – as I call her – texts my husband. Continue reading “Write her a letter, he said.”