Today I am giving a voice to those nasty little gnat thoughts, buzzing around in my noggin. Irritating. Believable. Unbelievable. Making me want to dive under the covers even though it’s 90 degrees. THAT bad. “You don’t know anything” they chant. Sometimes so loud I wonder if others can hear them. 😳. Kept at bay only if I’m feeling particularly smug or comfortable and successful.
One sideways glance from a stranger – holds so much weight – wrecking ball heavy. Tearing down all the goodness —“I have great ideas”, “things are always working out for me” , I am a quick learner” and “I feel my opinion is valued” —I have accumulated all morning. My basket of good feelings is apparently too small or maybe the wicker is too loosely wound – allowing all the good shit to seep out. All I’m left with is the heavy assaults on my intelligence, on my worth, my contributions…. hmmmm….all I’m left with is “Where’s your brain”? and “You keep making mistakes”. Lying, marinating at the bottom of the basket, these thoughts are of the morphed variety, larger than the supportive variety, too large to drain through the holes.
Who the put THOSE in there? Surely I can’t be responsible 🙄. Well my default was set many moons ago so here I sit, baithed in self doubt and disgust. Well, regardless of their origin, I need to shine some light on what these little gnat-bastards are selling…
I CAN REFRAME ALL OF IT. “I make mistakes and I am still worthy of love”, I am imperfect and I am alive”, even, “My brain is imperfect, I send it love and kindness.” I hope your basket, like mine, gets as many face-lifts, as many make-overs as often as it needs to. 💜 Slay those pesky gnat thoughts – after all… There’s nothing wrong with me or you 😑