What I know today is that I am doing the best I can with what I know at this moment. Listening to my body, getting my needs met and noticing, just noticing issues and problems. After all, the problems are usually not the big deal, it’s the way we FEEL about having a problem – this is the REAL problem.
Today I feel like I’m just watching life unfold. I’m not part of events and moments but just an observer. Dissociation is the order of the day. Now I have a clear choice… I can either beat myself up, try to figure out why, try to be something else (exercise, physical pain, substance, force grounding, etc..) and otherwise DO something about my dissociative state or I can accept that this is the order of the day. If I make it a big honkin deal then I’ve added to the original condition.
Today I will not shame myself, go into role, hide or otherwise catastrophize about what could have possibly taken over my brain and ability to feel deeply. Obviously, I have been triggered. Healthy, normal, life happening, right now, oh well.
And Thank-You, dissociation, my loveliest, oldest companion, for saving my young self from a complete mental breakdown. Happy Friday everyone.