What I know today is that I am doing the best I can with what I know at this moment. Listening to my body, getting my needs met and noticing, just noticing issues and problems. After all, the problems are usually not the big deal, it’s the way we FEEL about having a problem – this is the REAL problem.
Today I feel like I’m just watching life unfold. I’m not part of events and moments but just an observer. Dissociation is the order of the day. Now I have a clear choice… I can either beat myself up, try to figure out why, try to be something else (exercise, physical pain, substance, force grounding, etc..) and otherwise DO something about my dissociative state or I can accept that this is the order of the day. If I make it a big honkin deal then I’ve added to the original condition.
Today I will not shame myself, go into role, hide or otherwise catastrophize about what could have possibly taken over my brain and ability to feel deeply. Obviously, I have been triggered. Healthy, normal, life happening, right now, oh well.
And Thank-You, dissociation, my loveliest, oldest companion, for saving my young self from a complete mental breakdown. Happy Friday everyone.
A Fish Named Karen 
Disassociation is not necessarily a bad thing, you are correct, it’s the way we feel about it. I find that if I just go about my life, within a short time I naturally come out of the episode and reassociate with life and happenings. One precaution I do take if I have a disassociative episode is to NOT drive. My mind struggles to associate the red light with stopping the car, and my reaction times are far too slow.
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Wow. My dissociation hasn’t visited in a while – which was helpful as it was easier to identify. Mine is like a plexiglass plate that drops down and disengages me from caring, listening and processing. Basically relieves me from anything too taxing to figure out or apply myself to. Kept me aloof as a kid. I thank it for being there as a support for me as a child. Thanks for your comment and interest.
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