Holiday

13 Holiday Cluster Hacks

So, the Holidays, hmmmmm. I’m guessing that some of my readers may be very excited for Holidays. I am also knowing that there’s another, less visible, section of the general pop who are digging themselves a large hole, preparing to jump in to escape all things “family celebration”. I’m a proud member of the second, gasp less acknowledged group. Actually I’m a charter member, with 10 years of sanity under my belt 😂 (and all over my body, actually LOL).

Tis the season for hushed-toned conversations, multiplying in frequency, “Oh, she doesn’t come around” and “He doesn’t bother with us” even “I think she’s crazy, she doesn’t talk to any of her family”. “Who could walk out on their family?” Well, there’s ALWAYS a pretty good fucking reason why someone would cut the ties with their tribe. Always. Period. It’s usually one badass warrior mother f’er who can pull this off on the road to a wonderfully joy-filled life. Someone like um… like um… ME. Turning out to have found peace…away from their tragic family of origin. This, my friends, is the elephant in the room.

I write about this in support of those badassreaders I have. The people who don’t feel entirely settled when the Holidays arrive. Those who are depressed, anxious, angry, revengeful or indifferent when it comes to “family”. For those of you who are new to my blog, I use quotation marks when I write “family” because the word is LOADED – ya’ll know what I’m talkin bout. This is, in NO way, a normal word for me and can be very heavy. You’re feelin me.

Chances are, your “family” wants you to just forget everything that’s happened in the past and smile. They have. Just be pretty and pretend like everything is normal. Hell, deep down, you WANT to believe you have the best family ever (who tf doesn’t?) – So you, against your better judgement, attend the family Holiday party —- thinking it will be fine this time. You got this. Fuck them. I’m not going to let them get to me this time. Let’s do this. Put on your party clothes and grab a bag…big enough to carry home all those triggers. They weigh a ton you know. Happy Holidays 😳

It can be very very diff to go through the motions and attend Holiday gatherings just for the sake of keeping the peace. As if. As if you want to be there. As if. As if. Usually, there’s a price… predictably sacrificing your own needs and boundaries for the sake of others’ needs and happiness. Familiar tune. That shit never feels good and the next day we make ourselves pay for it in whatever way feels familiar to us.

Me? well, the day after, I’m curled up in a ball, feeling punched in the gut, filled with regrets, swearing to God I’ll never say yes again. So much crazy shit swirling in your head- hate for them, hate for yourself and guilt. Guilty for hating everyone and everything. Enter mind-fuck…maybe it IS me. Maybe I’m making a big deal out of nothing…they all seem happy 😳. Ewe, WAIT! NO.

So how does one survive this holiday scenario from the abyss? this gathering on the bloodline battlefield, this no-thankyou portion of family tree, this nothing-is-as-it-appears commemoration? I am so glad you asked

  1. put yourself first, listen to your heart and do what feels correct for you. It is your decision. No-one knows what it’s like to be inside of your body. Eyes wide open, ask yourself what you need, what would make YOU happy (for a change). What makes you feel good.
  2. know that you are making the best decision for you – only you, because you’re the only one who knows and lives your truth. 
  3. create a holiday tradition that touches your heart. Something specific to honoring what is important to you around the Holidays. Whatever brings you joy, keeps you centered, grounded and calm. Giving your time/talents to others or creating something for yourself with no outside influences.
  4. write about how things will be different if you do spend time with family over the Holidays. (write it out, read it to someone or keep for next year – so you can chronical your growth. If you’re into ceremony and ritual maybe you meditate on your written ideas and set fire to it when it feels complete. Re-writing your new and improved version of the Holiday – sending your intention out to the Universe for manifestation. 
  5. surround yourself with people (outside of your family) who support your feelings. Do not expect your family of origin to understand what you are going through. They don’t. They can’t. Period. Find those outside of your “family”. They won’t be triggered by YOUR “family” shit – they most likely have different baggage and can support you in an unbiased way. Their baggage is different. 
  6. stay away from alcohol if you can possibly help it. Your guard will be down and you may end up saying and doing things you prob wouldn’t have. Seriously, resist the urge with all you have. It can be so tempting to numb yourself out but save the drinking for when you are with more supportive, less triggery folks. You’re welcome.
  7. give yourself an energy bath – wipe that nasty energy off with a washcloth and down the drain it goes. Replacing the nasties with clean white or golden light. Filling in the holes that were punctured intentionally and unintentionally during your “family” time.
  8. If you must go into the battle zone aka “family” gathering, I suggest you envision a shield protecting you prior to entering the sketchy soirée. Shield your heart, solar plexus (core) and sacral chakras. In no way are you a bad person for protecting yourself from negative energy. It’s brilliant and gives you a slight giggle as you try on, “You can’t have me” or “You can’t get me” or “I’ll decide what you get from me”! delicious, absolutely delicious. Better than a plate of cookies! Self empowerment, strength and self advocacy sure looks sexy on you. You’re so hot! Only you can do this for you. 
  9. be gentle with yourself!!! it’s exhausting work to challenge your family’s structure. The emotions of guilt, anger, betrayal, sadness, frustration are all a normal part of creating boundaries with people who do not respect our “NO”.
  10. make a plan. escape route, get away line, time limit, certain people to avoid. Identify what is off limits for you and what you’ll spend less time around – these suggestions all go a long way to create a sense of control over the situation. No-one has to be IN on this plan. Use when triggered and repeat if necessary. Creating and sticking to boundaries will feel MEAN initially, mostly because we were raised to not have/expect boundaries. But if practiced enuff, you’ll get over it, trust.
  11. make alternate plans for the Holiday – out of state, out of the country, Mars? And divulge these plans early so people have time to get used to the idea! There, now you can breathe deeply. Can’t see the dysfunction from there can ya?
  12. fake an illness – who wants to be with someone who is ill… strep, chicken pox, cock-sakie (good Lord), or the dreaded flu? “He/she was sick” has a better ring to it than “he/she didn’t want to come” You might actually be the recipient of some sympathy and people will be glad you didn’t show up. And BONUS… your needs are met! Just don’t use Covid as an excuse – cause it’ll backfire and they’ll be more up your ass than ever. 
  13. even if you do not attend, and you’re anything like me, you might… feel like shit because you’re not with your family, feel like shit because you don’t want to be with them, feel like shit because you are feeling relieved and happy because you didn’t blindly agree to attend, feel like shit because you can’t imagine it will EVER be any different, feel like shit because you feel so alone and unloved and cast aside, betrayed, crazy. That’s a whole lot of shit to shovel. This can be very, very difficult to push through. I speak from experience. been through this for several holidays in a row. It’s so very important to create your own Holiday rituals and traditions.

Happy Holidays!!! 😘😘😘 Do YOU and let me know how it goes 💪 👑

Uncategorized

Transcend

A 2$ word. Transcend. Love these Ads, “rise above”, “get rid of negative thoughts” “get over trauma”. We can just fly over this shit, landing in greener pastures. More like a Billboard for Heroin or Crack. Problem being, upon arrival, YOU’RE still there. Feeling bad should be inSINerated. I’m transcending transcendence – now that’s real. Inviting humiliation, guilt, jealousy, hate, doubt for tea. Nothing to rise/soar above. How do we rise above our true authentic selves? Would we want to?

resilient

Two sides of the same coin

Just where tf do you think you’re going?

I can go wherever I want, I answer to no one, I’m grown now.

Who are you kidding? you need a God Damn chaperone, you’re never on time and so incredibly wishy-washy.

I am a grown woman, capable of anything I put my mind to. I’m working on my organization and everyday I make strides.

Smh, mutters under breath, probably don’t even know where the keys are….

What was that? squints eyes…. I heard you, but I’m not listening, your opinion doesn’t matter anymore. There was a time when I listened to you, you kept me out of harm’s way by suggesting I play small. For that, I am thankful but your services will no longer be required.

Oh? Oh? Who thinks she’s the baddest ass around? Aren’t you so special, special little Karen, entitled to everything life has to offer. Needs NO help, isn’t she incredibly special. eye roll.

Well, I am very special, I was born with so much to say and do. I have great wisdom. Every day I retrieve more of what had to be surrendered, what was lost. I have made it out of the depths of hell despite your constant chatter and sharpened teeth at my heels.

Me? Meeeee? I’m not the evil one, my sweetie, you are evil – the way you dismiss people from your life? like flushing the toilet! Good people too, people in your own family who love you so much.

What? now you have completely gone off the tracks! Let me tell you about those “good” people. They do not deserve any piece of me. They wish nothing but to silence me, disown my authentic parts and smile while shoving the knife of betrayal into my aliveness. They fantasize about silencing me and erasing all that has occurred.

I think you are not thinking clearly, they seem nice to me, they have lots of friends and make good money and they are very attractive. Maybe you’ve got it all wrong, they seem pretty normal and like they’re living life freely – seems like they’ve moved on and you’re still wallowing in what was.

Well, let me tell you, it is not my duty to make them “see” like I do. For a long time I was hell bent on getting some well deserved validation for the hurt, invasion, violence, crazy, and damaging ways I was treated. Validation no longer interests me – I know the truth and that is enough. They don’t have to believe me or be sad with me or be angry with me for the injustice and trampling of rights, personal freedom or dignity. They “look” as though they’ve got amazing lives because we all perfected the art of “AS IF”. As if we had a perfect family, as if we were loved, as if we were safe.

Well, that sounds like psycho-babble, who tf gives you the right to interpret how their lives have or have not turned out? You’re not a professional, a therapist, a doctor…you are not them.

Listen here buttercup, I grew up with these birds. I know what each one of my siblings is made up of, the denial, the blame, the betrayal – I don’t have to have a degree in psychology to tell you how crazy it was in that stupid, fucked up house. The old patterns are still alive and well in each of them. The eating disorders, alcohol and drugs, self loathing, gambling, cheating, non-existent boundaries, lack of emotion, loyalty to a narcissistic, crazy Mother…. My eyes are wide open to the old ways of existing. Just existing. I am well schooled in energy healing and have availed myself to wisdom filled Spirit Guides who lavish me with support and encourage me stepping into my aliveness.

But wait one minute, Princess, you had a good childhood, lots of day trips, hand me down toys, clothes, food from the church, a bike to share amongst yourselves, a dog, a cat, one house that you never moved from. Wtf are you complaining for? your childhood was just like everyone else’s. What about all those pictures you’re smiling in? Huh? What about that? Enstein!

Children will do whatever it takes to get love, attention and to have safety. Whatever it takes. If I had to smile, I smiled. If I needed to act appreciative, I did. The last thing I needed was to be abandoned or disowned or starved or ignored. I needed to stay alive. I made the best decisions I could as a small child with a child brain. The same reason I stopped telling about the abuse.

Oh, THAT again, ugh. You’re so dramatic. Nobody hurt you. You were always friends afterward. It was just part of being in the family. When you say “abuse” that’s kind of harsh, I didn’t see anything like that happening. It looked like curiosity and play.

I don’t need your approval or understanding. I know in my body and mind what happened. It was my experience, my history.

Well, you just look crazy. I wouldn’t tell anyone. No-one will ever back you up or support you. You’ll look like a fool, AGAIN.

I have an army of Spirit Guides and Angels who are always with me for support and guidance. They communicate with me in a variety of ways. This team of mine lavishes me with support and encourages me to live into my aliveness.

Abundance · nourishment

Abundance & Nourishment

Dearest Angels, tell me about abundance and nourishment.

Sometimes things aren’t meant to be squandered. Generous hearts abide by no outward passages into truth. The goal of life is to pursue an inward glance at the same time reaching for all that is. We imagine this will be futuristic to most but traveling lightly will be key. Our demons only allow us so far, we must be brave beyond measure to capture every drop of abundance. See it, feel it, hear it it is all around you. Be the seeker, never tire of making things more profitable. You are at the ready -for maturity and splendor await at the highest degrees. Beware of treachery on your path, jealousy and mean spirited fellows do exist. Step lightly and forward you go. Bring peace and joy into daily life, reflecting on what has gone well. Cherish your embodiment of Spirit and change. You are meeting with authenticity with every contact in nature and Human Spirit. Fill your days with grand glory of all that is divine. Surround & protect. Surround & protect. Walk in peace. You are heard, seen and deeply held in love.

We are the collective, the light, the divine.

(channeled message)